I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
