I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
