We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
