I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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