So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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