A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
