Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
