GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
