nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
