I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
