Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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