Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She even gives head with a lisp.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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