ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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