called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
