well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
