whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
