Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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