Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
