so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
