I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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