Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
