I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
