I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
