My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
