I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
