also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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