Dual....:-)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
