I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
