hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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