I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
