The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
