So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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