I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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