Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
