she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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