i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
