watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
