Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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