I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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