I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
