plz talk dirty to me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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