I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
