He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
