Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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