So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
