the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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