you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
