Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
