So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
