did you get engaged???
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
